Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
