Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize