and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
