He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
