My entire life is one complicated drinking game
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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