He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I am naked and annoyed.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
