somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
