I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
