i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
