I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
