so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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