its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
