i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
