your parents love me but you hate me
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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