Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
MIDGETS
????
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize