I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
