at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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