haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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