It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
