what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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