She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
