The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I touched a dick in church today
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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