explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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