Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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