Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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