he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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