We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize