How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize