Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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