WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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