i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
