I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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