sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
