I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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