I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize