i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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