we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
