How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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