I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
