You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
high people should be assigned attendants
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
