I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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