So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
