I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
