Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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