Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
