I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
