i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
