I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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