I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
