my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
