My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
