The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
