but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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