You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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