Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
