Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
