Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
