so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize