WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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