i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
it's great music for shaving your balls
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
