I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
