Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
cat food counts as protein by the way
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
