So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
