i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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