Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
