We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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