her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
