he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
