OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I think people are normalizing furries
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
