well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
