i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
