Your face is a jimmy john
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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