just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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